Saturday, December 7, 2013

Taking the Plunge

***Should I? Am I ready? What if it doesn’t work out?

My mind was busy fighting these demons, while my heart had just broken into an impromptu jig. Violins were playing in the background as cupid lovingly aimed his arrow at me, while creatures from my mind were engaged in shooing him away.

And then, my heart won the battle. The deal was sealed. I was going to be a bride.***

I woke up, unable to breathe. I fumbled around for my water bottle, trying to wipe the sweat trickling down behind my ears. It was pitch dark. I slid my hand on the bed in the hope of finding my mobile, and instead, I found his hand. He woke up, realising something was amiss. I tried to tell him what happened, but my voice ditched me. He understood. He patted my back till I was fine, rubbed my freezing hands till they were warm and comforted me to sleep.

Nightmares are no longer as scary as they used to be. I know when I am woken up by one, I have someone who’ll say, “It’s alright, I’m right here.” That’s the advantage of being married. Your special someone is always by your side when the times are scary.

That’s the comfort cushion that every wedding comes with. Yes, there are responsibilities, but there’s also someone to share them with. My wedding not just gave me a husband, it also gave me a best friend and a roomie, all rolled into one. There was a time when I would look around for company, eyeing all the coochie-cooing couples with envy. Now, I don’t even notice them. There was a time when what people spoke behind my back used to drive me crazy. Now, I just don’t care. I have better things to do, better people to think about.

I’m not going through the best phase of my life. Financially and health-wise, I’m yet to reach a stage where I can be happy. But, emotionally, I’m in a place when I can take a deep breath and say I’m content. I have invested my love and affection in the right kind of people, and hadn’t it been for my wedding with Harish, I wouldn’t have had such a wonderful family and such a crazy bunch of friends.

I’m calmer now. The storm within me has subsided. I know I am with the right person; someone, who’s stood by my side despite all odds. Someone, who knew me, but still had the guts to decide that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Someone, I trust blindly. And in the tug of war between ego and relationships, I have my priority list sorted. My family, my husband and my friends come first. Everything, literally everything, comes later.

A year after wearing the garbs of a traditional Indian wife, I would be blatantly lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive at all. Dedicating an entire lifetime to a man seemed a bit bizarre, if not more. Cooking for him, living with him, deciding with him and living for him -- would I be able to manage? But seeing him stand by me through one of the most difficult times of my life, I knew what my heart was whispering to me was indeed right.

Yes, we’ve had our share of fights and arguments. But what’s life without some mischief? But at the end of all of it, when I race out to the balcony when he’s leaving for office, just to wave at him and I see him standing there, looking at me, I know nothing can come between a strong relationship. That’s when you pack the ‘you’ and ‘I’ and replace it with ‘us’.

And despite all the questions of concern that my brain was shooting at me, I’m glad I took the plunge. I’m stronger, wiser and happier now.